I am learning to drive. Now i am nearly 30 (how did that happen?????) and most people of my generation learned to drive about 12 - 13 years ago. But not me. I used the money to buy shiny gold things. I likes shiny things. But I am learning now. just. I really should never have been given a provisional, but they did and i just had to go and use it. This is the sorry saga.........

I took my first lesson with a lovely man who we shall name bob. Bob was patient, kind but his breath could have done with a little bit of loving. Stale coffee is not very nice in the close confines of a car. Anyway. Bob had a full lovely glossy shiny head of hair when we first met. He combed it and patted it and admired it in the little mirror that he used to make sure I was checking in my mirrors. (Mirror mirror on the windscreen, show me where i just have been. oooh, i am a poet and didnt know it. that was lame i am covered in shame - sorry - going to stop now). Anywayafter just 10 lessons (1 hours i may add, not 2) he was rather thin on top and used his comb less to comb his glossy locks but to make sure his glossy combover stayed in place. And i will explain why.

1. I am obsessed with the speedo. I like to look at it to make sure i am bang on the speed limit. Unfortunately, this means my eyes are not on the road. Woops.

2. I like fiddling with the buttons. It takes me forever to switch on wind screen wipers, clean screen, switch on lights/fog lights etc. All of these activities take my eyes off the road. Woops.

3. I like looking at the scenery. eyes not on the road. woops.

4. I have absolutely no co-ordination skills at all and therefore I could never work the clutch and gears. And when i did need to change gears i had to look and see where I was changing to. And I sometimes forgot what gear i was in and therefore had to look down to see which one i had to change into. Taking my eyes of the road. Again. Woops.

Now I decided - for Bobs sanity and the safety of all road users that I would stop taking lessons. But then I decided to give it a try in an automatic. Wow. My new instructor, whom we shall call Bobbie, is brill. he is patient, has no hair to pull out and chews chewing gum. He also does not bat an eyelid at some of my more hairraising antics. (hitting the accelerator instead of the brake whilst reverse parking anyone???) and he thinks i will pass my test. Therefore I am in his debt. I would definately recommend driving an automatic to anyone who has any types of problems concentrating (But you still need to concentrate!!!!) it would probably be good for you.

it is also good for sticking two fingers up at boy racers. I was sitting at lights the other day and a young lad was looking over and revving his engine. I smiled politely and resisted the urge to make the universal sign for 'God your a tosser'. He wasnt grinning so much when i pulled away and he was eating me dust. Why?? Automatics have faster takeoffs as there is no biting point to find, no need to come off the accelerator to go into second and no need to keepp changing up gears. Just hit the gas hard and off you go. so cooool.

Anyway - test soon. I am so excited. Will be getting my petrol from Sainsburies* when I pass (hint Hint)

But i must run. need to go to the loo as I am so excited i think i may pee myself.

*This gratuitous advertising will work GODDAMMIT!!!!!

Laters

having heatstroke in Scotland.

I did not think it was physically possible but it is. I want to throw up over anything that doesnt move for more than 30 seconds so this is gonna be short short short.

Also heatstroke gives you funny taste in your mouth. icky.

Laters

mmmm, i bought chocolate donuts from sainsburys* so minimi is going to think i'm the best mum in the whole world.

And its not bribery and corruption - i'm not listening to anyone who says it is

off to tidy house now housework - yuk

oh yeah - i'm also going to try and make my blog more pretty later, so if things go pear shaped - WOOPS!

*gratuitous advertising in hopes of free choccie donuts

laters

Well well well....... havent i been a lazy little blogger of late.......

With minimi away I expected that life would be full of vino, Jack Daniels, long lies and gratuitous posting on the net.

NO.

The evil government building of doom saw to it that all my energy was sapped and i was only fit to collapse into my footspa when i got home. (I may sit on my bum in an office, but it hurts my feet??? WHY? HOW? ) I didnt even have time to fully watch the Doctor Who box sets I got for me berfday.

And surprisingly, I am still tired, but now on holiday, so this is just a quickie till i rejuvenate and when i am ike a phoenix risen from the flames(barf) i will blog till me fingies fall off with typing - with photos and everything - cause I took my camera with me this week! and I found the wire! How great am I!!! yeah babeeee.......

Anyway - way to go to Sainsburys* as need to have food in house for when minimi comes back from spain tomorrow so must dash.

*Gratuitous free advertising - I am hoping it results in money off shopping or gift vouchers, or petrol when I pass my test. Ever the optimist me!!!

Laters

Just a quickie, as I am on my way out to watch 22 grown men kick a bit of pig skin into a net. hmmmm, doesnt sound so much fun when i say it like that.......

anyway, going to stay with my big sis tonight, she is going out so I am looking after the little bundle of fun that is my 6 year old nephew. - love love love her house - it smells like strawberries and perfume, is all cool and relaxed in green and is very minimalist - unlike my aladins cave of ... well everything!!!!!!! LOL. i feel very grown up when I go to stay with sister #1 - she likes expensive things that i would be too scared i broke and she has cream carpets. and a little boy - talk about brave!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, the whole point of that little drivel was to inform all the i shall be away and away tomorrow too, as I am getting birthday yummies at me mums house tomorrow. With cake and candles and (hopefully) some desert wine to go with the cake. My mum knows i likes me some good desert wine. And i know purists will say that desert wine is not to be eaten with cake, but well, i dont care, cause my fave thing to eat it with is scotch pancakes in toffee sauce. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. wonder if mum has any? will drop some hints of sledgehammer type proportions.

oh yeah, and I never found the wire for my camera. Dr Who mesmerised me and i soaked my towel.

Laters,

Today I had the day off of work, so that i could get minimi ready for her mini(mi) adventure to spain. Thats means she had me concentrating on the important things - like did she have enough sucki sweeties for on the plane, and had I finished putting all the Hannah Montana (bleurgh) songs onto her MP3 player. Despite a few setbacks (I put on the wrong version of one of the songs apparently) she has gotten away safely and I am all on me lonesome. And really pretty much bored already!

I have a few bits and pieces planned - I am going to watch Aberdeen play Man Utd at Pittodrie tomorrow. Its a testimonial match for the players of Aberdeen who won the European Cup in Gothenberg 23 years ago. Should be fun. But no Ranaldo, so no sexy legs to swoon over. i am hopefully going to get some photos, but apparently, according to minimi i cannot take photos or have my phone switched on. I thought that was the cinema, but it has been ever such a long time since i was at a football match in Britain so you never know. But i am looking forward to it, but I have to watch my language as i will be there with my nephew and we will be in the family stand. Which means No Swearing. Poop.

Minimi's dad has also asked me to do a sketch of her for him, so I will start on that at some point over the weekend as well. will photograph and post progress as that will force me to keep at it!!!!!!!!!!!

I am also going to open the bottle of southern comfort that I have had in my cupboard for 8 months and never opened (sacrilege). Once that is done, I will be back on Jack. LOL.

But I am going to sign off now as I am away to go look for the wire for my camera. Think it is in my cupboard somewhere, but everytime I open the cupboard, I get distracted by the poster of David Tennant (as Dr Who) my Nephew gave me as an early birthday present.. I stuck it inside the door as I am almost 30 and to have it on my wall would be sooooo saaaadddd. But once i catch sight of his doctorness i lose track of what i am doing and drool.

But I will be strong. i will fight temptation. I will use every last ounce of my will power

And i will go get a towel to wipe up the puddle just in case.

laters

Oh yeah, and I have stopped smoking. Almost six months now.

I would just like to confirm though, that no one was injured in the making of these healthier lungs. LOL

Are we sitting comfortably? good, then i'll begin.

Life has been pretty hectic, as I have mentioned in my last post, and to be honest a bit painful so I am not about to go through the process of dredging it all up, despite how amusing it seems in retrospect. And believe me some bits are amusing. maybe one day i shall tell.................

Anyhoo, when i am not working in the evil government building (Whom i am not allowed to name as they have a thing about being mentioned in blogs) i am keeping myself pretty busy, or as busy as single motherhood allows me to be. Although the whole single mum thing has its advantage - nobody to shout at me and minime for getting chocolate icecream on the bed covers and we can play with make-up to our hearts content with no one to tut and huff anf puff in the background. Huufing, puffing, tutting and making tsking noises are not in the spirit of Hermes' Happy Household!

So, what have I been up to?

Well. You may remember in earlier posts that I acquired a venus fly trap whom i called percy. Well percy sadly passed away. And he wouldnt have been able to come into the country with me anyway, but I was sad. But since I have been back I have acquired a tomatoe plant called bill and I am growing (from seed - check me out) a Bird of Paradise Shrub (poor nameless thing - it hasnt told me its name yet). And its growing. And not dead! And because it is native to madeira (I think) it is a good excuse to drink madeira wine and eat madeira cake. (Yeah right like i need an excuse).

I have been painting like mad - am going through a spell of doing abstract work. I spoke to a friend studying psycology who said it is to do with my turbulent emotional state and mixed up feelings. I think it is because they is pretty.

hang on till i see if i have any pics.....

Photographer I aint - all point and shoot gal thats me!!!

Anyway, they grace my living room walls, and they keep me calm and sane, which quite frankly is quite a feat. Maybe i used magic paint. I have more pics of stuff on the camera but I have put the wire to connect it to the computer 'somewhere safe'. everything in my house is somewhere safe.

Speaking of living rooms - chez moi. its compact and bijou, but i likes it. it went from this:-

nasty.

and it went to this.............

Pretty non? It has changed again since these photos were taken, but again with the camera wire and the safe place thang. God i need a secretary LOL.

I have also been fitting in some knitting - something that i stopped doingas my ex husband considered it granniish, but i find it relaxing.I wanted something to knit for, so I started knitting toys for charities which distribute them. (I'll find the link and put it in a future post if you want to help them out) or that was the plan. I decided to knit stuff other than the standard teddy bear, and so decided on a bull. Except it looks like a mutant seal and i am not going to send it to any kids as it will probably terrify them and make them think i am a big meanie bobeanie (Dont ask - minimi says it) I will take a photo and post soon. Cause it is hilarious in a weird terrifying kind of way. But, again with the wire and the safe place and so having to wait.

What else have i been up to? I have been learning to drive, but more about that at a later date, cause it is just too funny for words. I am not a natural driver and If i pass my test a national holiday should be declared. I cant even drive a manual - I am too ditzy, so I am learning to drive an automatic.

well, think i have blabbered on for long enough now - way to go look for sewing patterns on the net for headscarves as I have suddenly developed a liking for them. It stops me from having to do my hair in the morning, which given my hectic schedule is a plus. I might even manage to fit in some sleeping today too LOL.

Laters

My good god - is this still here? I thought it would have been deactivated by now!!!

Well, I am back - and in a better frame of mind! Having moved from Germany back to Scotland, started the divorce process, found a new job, moved house, taken driving lessons and applied to go back to school, i think that my absence can be justified a little bit!!!

Anyway, this was just a little foray to see if Ic ould remember passwords and stuff! will be writing long post with photos and everyfink tonight when I escape the evil government building of doom. Also known as work.

Hi Bun! will be catching up on your posts at lunchtime - all 20 gazillion million of them LOL xxx

Laters

xxxx

Well, I am finally back in Scotland and finally back on-line!! What a hectic few weeks - I have barely been able to sit down and enjoy a cup of joe let alone sit down and do internet inspired type stuff! But maybe now I can. Possibly. Once I have caught up on 3 weeks worth of sleep. ANd once my body has adjusted to the chage in food. And my ears adjusted to the change in accent. And my nerve endings have thawed out cause I forgot how blooming cold Scotland was. And my skin stops looking like its been painted in little red dots (I get spotty when I am stressed - eeeeewwwww) and I finally manage to work out how to use my mum's dvd player. and wireless connection. God I am bloody useless! LOL

Well, I have manged to secure myself a new job (not bad in the space of 1 1/2 weeks!), am living with my lovely parents due to lack of housing stock in Aberdeen (And acting like a teenager all the while)and am finally re-united with Minimi (That has taken up a huge amount of my time since I have hardly seen her over the last few months)

Anyhoo, this was just a quickie to inform the world and his wife that I am back, bad, dressed in black and mad.

Will give all the goss when my brain feels less like a pile of mushy peas *Giggles*

Laters