come see me. come see me. come see me.

*bounces up and down and claps hands*

http://madeiracakeandwine.blog.co.uk/

I think the time has come to shut down this blog. After thinking long and hard about it I have realised that it has served its purpose. This blog got me through a very painful period of my life, gave me somewhere to vent, to go a bit mad and to just generally try and work through how I was feeling during the break up of my marriage.

I have come through that now and am in an exceptionally happy period of my life and am going to start a new blog to reflect that. I like flicking through this one, so am going to leave it here for my pleasure and to remind me who i was. We can only become better people by learning from our mistakes.

Hermes was a pseudonom for my pain, but since that pain is no longer with me, then I have to lay Hermes to rest.

RIP

I had a defining moment whilst i was watching wizards of waverly place on the Disney Channel with my minimi - quite a good programme - original at any rate! Anyway, I was looking at the teenage daughter and thinking 'what a cute hat' she has on and 'i like the way she has decorated her phone' - and that is when it hit me - I was looking at the fashion of someone HALF MY AGE!!!!!!! I should really have been identifying with the mum in the programme - she is closer to my age. When on earth did this happen?? it seems like sometime in the last five years I have grown up without being consulted about it! Who decreed this should happen?? And will it happen again? Will i be watching programmes in ten years time, looking at the 30 something mums, thinking they are wearing 'cool' stuff only to discover i should be looking at the 40 something character??
My main concern is for when I hit 50 ish - will isuddenly wake up one morning and discover my hair in a tight perm and my clothes have all morphed into crimpolene dresses (Think Nora Batty in last of the summer wine)? I'm afraid - very afraid!

And don't laugh - it is coming to a future near you!!

Life is a bit of a bugger without the Internet. It is just one of the little things I used to take for granted - just switch on the laptop and i was connected to the world outside and knowledge was at my fingertips - but then it goes down and i realise how much I rely on it being there. It made me also think about other things in life that I take for granted but would be completely lost without.

1. My Credit Card. I buy a lot online. What with working full time and painting, writing, hillwalking, doing stuff with minimi and him indoors being here at the weekend, I don't have time to shop (GASP!). I was online at work the other day (sshhhhhh - dont tell) and wanted to buy something but realised i had left the wonder card at home on the table. Well - talk about having a hissy fit! I would have been less upset if someone had cut my right arm off.

2. Arabella Piggy. Arabella Piggy was out of commission just before Christmas as she had a burst brake cylinder. It was a whole week before I could get her sorted and it just made everything seem so much harder! It is so easy to plan and go places without having to consider how you would get there on public transport. Yucky. Not an experience to be repeated.

3. Notepad and Pen. I make lists. I am a listee. If it needs to be organised or done, I will make a list about it. I have lists of music, books I have read, housework to be done and when, things i want to do before i am 30, things i want to do before i am 40 and so on. When I mentioned on a walk through Kirkhill Forest that i would make a list of all the hills and forests we had walked him indoors asked if I had a list detailing my lists and was it cross referenced. Lucky it was a forest and not a hill otherwise he may have had to take the express route down!! i also use it to scribble down things that flit in and out of my head. Some are pretty bizarre. I also get ideas for characters and short stories and sometimes poems. Pretty much anything gets written down really.

4. MP3 Player. Can't walk at lunchtime without it. Exercise is poop when all you have to listen to is the roar of cars on the A90 whizzing past you.

5. Carol the Sat Nav. Cause I could get lost in my own house. Seriously

6. My Laptop. It has my life on it. Photos, Music, Email addresses, contacts, notes, lists, everything.

7. Handbag. It's huge, as I do like to be able to slip the kitchen sink in there, Current contents are: Notebook and Pen, purse, Bach's Rescue Remedy, Eucalyptus Essential Oil, glasses, car keys, house keys, gloves, chewing gum, mp3 player, car air freshner (??), Map of Bennachie range (??!!??), sat nav, 20 gazillion other pens, lipstick, pencil sharpener and hand cream. And thats a 'light' bag!

8. Minimi and him indoors, Not that i take them for granted, just couldn;t do without them!

9 My torch. I have a pathological fear of the dark.

10.Sketchbook and Pencil. I like to be able to draw when the muse strikes me. I wish i was a millionaire so it could strike me more often and not when i am at work LOL.

Appreciate what you have - i'm off to insure all of the above.

Laters

Internet down again. No more highly exciting posts until about next tuesday. Only because I hate having to use my mobile to get online - everything runs as slowly as it did in the 90's LOL.

At the beginning of last week, I noticed a funny ‘put put’ noise coming from my car. It was coming from the direction of the exhaust pipe and I assumed that old’ Arabella piggy was playing up because I was thinking about selling her (it’s true – it always happens!). Thoroughly convinced that I was going to have to shell out for a new exhaust before she could depart for pastures new, I gritted my teeth and limited my driving to going to work and the supermarket until I could get her into a garage. It gradually got worse. The ‘put put’ became a ‘bang bang’ and soon I couldn’t hear the noise of the radio. (2 if you are wondering, the new radio 1 ) This was on Friday, so I parked her up and had a glass of wine or two so that I wouldn’t be tempted to go anywhere near her.

The next day, Saturday, me, him indoors and minimi decided that we were going to go to Build-A-Bear Workshop in the Bon-Accord Centre (Shameless Advertising – Free Stuff Me!!!) and I was to drive as it is much easier to park Arabella than it is to park the Gigantor that he drives. Thankfully, him indoors is a mechanic and spotted the problem within two seconds. About 200 yards away from the door he screamed at me to stop the car. I put on my hazards and jumped out the car and ran round to the passenger side to where he was frantically gesticulating towards my rear wheel. Which was sitting at a very odd angle. Put it this way, if you stood at that kind of angle, you would fall over. I have never felt so scared in my life. I would probably have merrily carried on driving like that assuming that because the car was still going and nothing had exploded, it couldn’t have been anything life threatening. I was really quite shaken up, and thank goodness I hadn’t planned any long range trips on the dual carriage way.

As it turns out, after examination, it looks like some dirty so and so was interrupted whilst they were trying to pinch my wheel - two of the wheel nuts had gone completely and two had been loosened. If that was the case (And I will never be able to prove it was) it is quite scary. What kind of person could possibly do that, knowing that by trying to take the wheel off, and leaving it in that state it could potentially kill the people in the car. The wheel was on the side that Minimi sits on, so she would have been in the thick of it, and god help the person who hurts my baby. I really hope that person can’t sleep at night and feels so guilty that it eats them up inside. And some large boils in exceptionally painful places would also be good.

What I can never understand is the mindset of these people. I can understand stealing food if you are starving, supplies if you are homeless, and a multitude of other things that constitute survival over morals, but I do not believe that a car is a necessity and it is not worth endangering the lives of others just to make sure you don’t have to take the bus to work! I could easily replace the tyre and can easily replace the wheel nuts. (locking ones will be the order of the day me thinks) but that’s not the point. Why should I have to? The car is mine. I own it outright – no finance or debt attached to it, something which I am exceptionally proud of. I worked hard to pay for it and it annoys me to think that someone out there thinks that they are entitled to take something on the sole basis that they want it. How disgustingly arrogant!

It has also caused me extra work and worry. I double check the car every morning now, walking around testing all the wheel nuts to make sure they are in place and when driving I listen carefully for tell tale noises. I don’t need the hassle, the worry and the extra time spent in the morning or before every journey, doing extra things in addition to the normal safety checks, but I can’t help it – human instinct is to protect you and yours.

Although there is one small upside - at least it keeps my mind off the chilling alternative………

That someone out there did it for a laugh.

Or something like that……

While pondering and musing and naffing about in general on the net, I discovered the today has two official (Please don’t sue me, that’s sarcasm) holidays. Male Watcher’s Day and Bubble Bath Day.

Now, I a perfect world we could combine the two and instead of sitting in the government building of doom I could be watching males in bubble baths. Now, my doting partner may not approve of this but I would like to assure him, that (barring David Tennant ) the only male I will be watching in any bath will be him.

But lets pause a moment. Male Watching day. Does that not scream STALKER! Imagine the moment. You’re a young good looking member of the male species, walking down the street, minding your own business, when what happens to catch your eye? A young lady. And the young lady is sitting on a park bench staring obsessively at you. Her eyes bulging and bloodshot with the effort of not blinking. You move backwards in alarm and she moves forwards. You move to the right and she moves too. You dart to the left and your action is again copied. Thoroughly disturbed now you run away, quivering in fear convinced you can hear the pounding of deranged feminine footsteps behind you.

Now, whilst reading about Male Watching day the website in question extolled the virtues of covert male watching. Now surely that is illegal?? Is it?? Our young chap has now been rewound, and is pondering down the same street. But the park bench is now empty. However, a small movement to his left catches draws his attention. Has that tree always been there? Do trees own their own binoculars? And do trees giggle occasionally and swear when they trip over their own roots? I think not. Cue running, quivering and deranged footsteps.

Maybe he will go home and get into a bubble bath to help him relax and recover from the deranged tree-lady!

Now where did I put my binoculars.

Laters

Who needs lies when the truth is so much more fun - Captain James T Hook

The Chinese are fearing a long recession and this has triggered - not a frenzied selling of stocks and shares, not a sudden upsurge of people demanding their money in full from the banks, but of a sudden increase in the amount of people who are...... making enquiries about divorce settlements.

Good God - First we had the pre-nup, now we have the recession divorce. What happened to for better or for worse. That should really be amended to say For better of for the life of your stocks and shares at their highest yield point.

A spokesperson for Shanghai Weiqing, China's first Marriage and finance firm says "Many questions are about how to avoid paying off debts after the divorce and the number of such telephone inquiries has increased from 200 to 300 in recent months."

And according to a story carried on the China News Service website (www.chinanews.com), the number of people seeking divorce advice increased by 30 percent in the second half of this year.

Obviously, what they need to be doing is not thinking about money, but thinking about nookie!!

Thats right, (and stick with me cause this does come good!!) - do you remember at school when the teacher droned on and on and on about demographics, and how there was a baby boom in the 70's? Thats because of the apalling state of the economy and the constant power and heating cuts - what is there to do in the dark and the cold with no television? Well, mum and dad would jump into bed, have a bit of hows your father and hey presto, nine months later, sprog or sprogita would be born.

Now, based on the above I have formulated a theory for kick-starting the economy.

1. See above. Engage in much of
2. Buy cheap Pregnancy test and use
3. Panic. Wildly. don't file for divorce like the chinese.
4. Go out and buy half the contents of mothercare.

Multiply the above by the vast majority of the population of Britain and Bob's your uncle, fanny's your aunt - the economy is back to it's lardy, over invested, up to the eyeballs in debt self. Just how we like it.

Move over Alistair Darling!!!

Laters

Hogmanay. Auld years night. Daft Days. New Year ’s Eve.

However you put it, if you live by the Gregorian calendar, then there is one hell of
a party up ahead. Traditions, customs, alcohol and good food abound,
millions of people around the globe will be celebrating.

  But what happens, if Hogmanay has become blurred with every other
weekend of the year. When alcohol and parties and good food have become so affordable and accessible that every weekend is a celebration to the amount of debt that various cheaply priced but unmentionable supermarkets can absorb in the quest for your business, and is not about the death of the old year and birth new year, but of the dying of the working week and the commencement of the weekend?

Every Sunday, when the celebrations have subsided, someone, somewhere, holding their hangover in with one hand rashly promises to never drink again, or the girl who sounds like she been using a cheese grater to clean her tonsils announces she is going to stop smoking and how many of us resolutely promise to start that diet as the button on our jeans refuses to fasten. Then the following Friday – a mere five days later, they are forgotten as the temptation to excess is presented.

But good god, don’t I sound like a complete and utter party-pooper. (And I’m not even in my 30’s yet – 7 months and counting!) I still enjoy New year, but just wish it was slightly different! Anything to differentiate it from my wine sodden weekends. Anything to mark it as the special occasion I remember it being when I was a child. It was a privilege and a treat to be allowed to try and stay up until Midnight –  I say try because I rarely made it to midnight – I would wake up in the morning, snuggled in my own bed, realising my dad had carried me through and tucked me in and being highly disappointed that I had once again missed that magical moment. ‘The Bells’ sounded mysterious and made me imagine fairies sweeping through the air ringing bells made of gold, sprinkling fairy dust and spreading joy and happiness. (I was a fanciful child) and the Boats (a tradition in Aberdeen where all the boats in the harbour sounds their horns at Midnight) was something that I hoped with all my might that I would one day get to hear. How exciting, I used to think that sailors from far off lands would want to celebrate the turning of the year with us. It was a magical night, once in a lifetime, where neither of my parents had to work the next day. Where the house was filled with laughter and music (More so than usual – we had a very happy household) and people flitted in and out. There were no reports on the television (in fact we weren’t allowed to watch television) of fights and murders and houses being targeted by burglars who knew the occupants were away for the evening. In fact, the whole time was regarded as one where all grudges should be forgotten, every one was equal and the world could be put to rights over a snifter of whisky and some black bun. There was something distinctly sordid and shameful about being caught doing something wrong at such a wonderful time – a feeling I still hold close.

But just to show I am not a party-pooper who will have gone to her bed come the stroke of midnight because someone has stolen her rose-tinted spectacles, I have thought up some interesting alternatives for the New Year.

1. Go to Stonehaven, a small fishing town on the east coast of Scotland, just 20 minutes from Aberdeen where you can watch the Stonehaven Fireballs. A fantastic display, a grand night, and for more information go here www.stonehavenfireballs.co.uk/
NB – I didn’t actually think this one up – I am sharing!

2. Have a fortune telling party. Sounds bizarre, but the coming of the year and the luck and fortune it will bring is tied up in Scottish Tradition. Try activities such as peeling an apple and throwing the skin over your shoulder – the letter it forms is the first initial of your sweetheart. The same goes for breaking egg whites into a bucket. Tea leaf reading is another popular one. Be as fanciful as you like – dress up, encourage others to do the same and just generally have a grand ol’ time of it. Although do warn some of your more susceptible guests that it is all a bit of fun. And do make a sign informing everyone you are the granddaughter of gypsy rose lee – it someone gives it that authentic touch (cough cough)

3. Have a pyjama party – pretty self explanatory – feather filled pillowcases and pigtails optional.

4. First foot as many people as possible. Scottish Tradition dictates that the first person to step over the threshold of your house in the new year should be male, virile, dark haired, tall, good natured and should be bearing a gift – preferably coal or bread, to ensure there is a wealth of food and warmth for the coming year. (that’s me out, being a girl, bad tempered ) Why not go round all the people you know (In this day and age it is sad that we can no longer call on and introduce ourselves to our unknown neighbours for fear of harm!) and bring them all the luck in the world. And a few nippy sweeties (whisky or other spirits for the uninitiated) may be offered in payment for your services!

5. Attend your local street party. A fantastic way to meet and greet and bring the new Year In. In Aberdeen we have a major street party organised by our Local Council – and its completely free!! This year, Amy McDonald is headlining and Sandy Thom will be there are well – fantastic.

I know that the most fanciful of you out there will have a million and one other ideas. (And probably better than mine, but its having a memorable time that counts) One of my most favourite memories is having a medieval New Year, where we dressed up as people from the days of yore (Think Robin Hood, I was Maid Marian with a Britney Spears wig!!) and roasted a Wild Bore on a spit. Or at least pretended to – we pre-cooked it so that we could not be accused of genocide when everyone got food poisoning from eating raw meet!!!

New year is a time of dreams, perhaps that is what ultimately makes it different from other weekends. It is a time we can dare to imagine that we can become the person we always wanted to be. It can happen – my one and only resolution last year was to stop smoking and I did it. Almost a year on, I am richer, healthier and I know I can do anything if I put my mind to it…………

Except find those damn rose tinted spectacles.

Have a good one.

:wave:

i awoke and realised that it has been f****ing months since i logged into this site let alone wrote anything.

But I did pass my driving test, which explains why. I have been whisking my arse about the place at a grand ol speed of 900 miles per hour. Give or take some. (Any policemen reading this should read that as "driving at the legal speedlimit, taking into account the prevailing road and weather conditions").

My car is called Arabella Piggy in case anyone is interested, and it's a Bluey purple kinda VW Polo - very sexy indeed. But it needs to be cleaned, cause i drove it to the foothills of Bennachie in the rain and it got a bit muddy and i haven't cleaned it yet.

I am also in luuuuuuurrrrrrvvvvvvvveeeeee. My past showed up on my doorstep and, well, what can you do eh???? LOL

And I am also going to climb a mountain. A munro to be exact. Planning on 'bagging' Mount Keen hopefully. Any advice gratefully appreciated.

Going to bed now - got stinky cold, but hot man waiting

laters